He's climbing in yo' windows, he's snatching yo' people up. So y'all need to hide yo' kids, hide yo' wives and hide yo' husbands cause we... RECAPPIN' everything out here! That's right friend-o's, it is that time of the week again: The time where I go over the games that have already happened a few days earlier, but with my unique view on the game that you cannot find anywhere else. It's the Saturday Night Wrap-Up brought to you by your good friend's at The Neutral Zone Trap podcast/blog, where it's not just a trap... It's a neutral zone trap. So all jokes aside (yeah right!), we gonna do what we do best: look back at the night that was last saturday night and have some laughs while we're at it. And you can run and tell that, homeboy!
Good morning, afternoon, or evening ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! Would your weekends be complete without the infamous, the legendary, the often misunderstood Saturday Night Wrap-Up!? I doubt it, I very much doubt it. Well, my fellow bi-peds, as we say in the old country, let's make like a Jewish person and head off!
Fantasy Advice Fridays is now Fantasy Advice Sundays, until we can come up with a catchier name.
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I have no excuse. I missed Fantasy Advice Friday last week and I even missed it two days ago, but I'm going to make up for it by changing up my game entirely. That's right, Fantasy Advice Sundays are here, and yes this is a permanent change. It may seem like a minor tweak, but most fantasy hockey players are in Yahoo! leagues, which runs head to head match ups from Monday to Sunday, making Friday a bit of a weird day for a fantasy article (minus Friday starting with the same letter as the word "fantasy.") By putting this article on Sunday it'll allow me to make suggestions based on your full week lineup, like picking up players who are playing on quieter nights in the NHL.
His legend precedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder
A man of such raw manliness, I wouldn't be surprised if he prefers his meat raw. And once again I have the utmost pleasure of sharing with you some his most entertaining online dealings. Last week, we looked at something a little more serious and I apologize if anybody was offended by it. So today, we will be looking at something a little more light, a little less serious, and a little more irrelevant. Of course I am referring to the CFL.... come at me bra'!
It's here! The fifth episode of the TrapCast. We kick around our top five teams a quarter of the way through the season and get into a pretty solid argument about Corey Crawford. Listen and follow on Soundcloud or subscribe on iTunes
By Zak Griffin
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. The Neutral Zone Trap proudly brings to you, its soon to be, blog/podcast CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOOOORLD!!! Zak "The Blogger" Griffin, his computer Milos, (say it with me now);
THE SATURDAY! NIGHT! RECAP!!!!!!!!!
Well, I don't know about you guys, but if that don't get you fired up hotter than a Texas barbecue in the middle of August, then I don't know what will. Thank you for joining me here at the Saturday Wrap-Up HQ, as we look to bring you highlights of all the action from around the league from Saturday night's action. We've got a lot of games to get through, so, without any further ado, we shall begin with this evenings festivities. But before we do, there is something I have to ask you:
Boston Bruins 3 vs. Carolina Hurricanes 2 (OT)
In the words of Ozzy Osbourne, "Mama, I'm coming home." In the words of Motley Crue, "Home sweet home." In the words of Lynyrd Skynyrd, "Sweet home Alabama." In the words of Dorothy, "There's no place like home." And, in the words of Bruins fans, "Fa** yeah!! We're in fa**in' Bawston!! Y'all are a bunch a weirdos, cause ya not from fa**in' Bawston! Go Sawx!" After the Bruins had squandered a one-goal lead midway through the third period when Patrick Dwyer scored his second of the season to make it a 2-2 hockey game, the Bruins hopes turned to David Krejci, and the "Krejcmander" delivered. With his fourth goal of the season, which he scored 1:28 into overtime, the Bruins took this one and are now 6-0-2 in their last eight home games. The Bruins got a solid performance from backup goalie Chad "Don't Call Me Ochocinco" Johnson, who made 22 saves to improve his record to 3-1-0 on the year. Meanwhile, the Hurricanes are singing another tune. The 'Canes picked up their first point in six away games, but are winless during that stretch and are now 0-3-1 in their last four games away from 'Sweet Caroline'... a.
Toronto Maples Leafs 2 vs. Washington Capitals 1 (SO)
Should we talk about the game overall? No. Should we talk about how the game was not an even affair, and if it weren't for the fact that James Reimer had to face 50 shots (and stopped all but one of them) while his counterpart, Brayden Holtby, only faced 28? I don't think so. Should we talk about how, after deflecting a Jake Gardiner point shot, David Clarkson potted his second for the Leafs and is looking like he might be starting to produce the way the Leafs thought he would when they acquired him last summer? BORING! Should we talk about how Alex Ovechkin scored his 20th of the season, meaning he has something around 42 goals in his last 44 regular season games that he's played in? Nahh, it's been talked to death. Should we talk about how the Leafs still suck? Perhaps, but now is not the time. What I want to point out was Mikhail Grabovski. Now, I didn't catch a lot of this game but what I did manage to catch was the scary incident when a falling Grabovski GOT KICKED IN THE FACE BY A HOCKEY SKATE!! David Clarkson's skate accidentally got up and full on heel-punted Grabo in the face. And then he came back and played later in the game!! 20 stitches later, and he has now shown he is the toughest Leaf on their roster, just passing Phil Kessel.
Three goals was enough this time around, as the Montreal Canadiens were able to withstand James Neal and company's late rally and hold on for a dramatic 3-2 Swedish... sorry, Finnish. But all jokes aside... for now, the Canadiens got two goals out of Max Pacioretty and Carey Price made 29 saves to move the Canadiens to 13-9-2 on the year. For the Penguins, although the loss moves them to 15-9-0, it feels good to have James Neal back as his production has been surely missed. With two goals in the contest, Neal is now on a three-game point streak, during that time he has picked up three goals and three assists. This dude is so hot, he makes Katniss look like a popsicle.
Philadelphia Flyers 5 vs. New York Islanders 2
Haha, hey guys! Claude Giroux only has two more goals than Mike Smith! Haha, what a loser! Can we stop making those jokes now, please? Thank you. Anyways, it seems as though the Flyers are kind of starting to turn things around. Third period play, which was a huge struggle early in the season (they were outscored 19-6 in their first 15 third periods), is now becoming a strength for the team as they've outscored the opposition 11-3 in their past seven final frames, including Saturday night in Philly. The team is now 6-0-1 in their last seven games and are now within two points of third place in the Metropolitan division. Man, these boys are so hot, they make heat melt (that's your Snoop Dogg lyric for this morning).
Minnesota Wild 3 vs. Winnipeg Jets 2 (SO)
The Wild had to overcome two one-goal deficits to force overtime and they did, thanks to goals from former Portland Winterhawk Nino Niederreiter and Zach Parise. Overtime solved nothing so (EVERYBODY DRINK!!) we head to a shootout. There it was Charlie Coyle's turn to play the hero, as he made a nifty move to beat Ondrej Pavelec and take it for the Wild. The scary part was when feel good story Josh Harding went down with an injury minutes before the puck was even, allowing Nicklas Backstrom to retake the net for the time being. Backstrom was just activated from the injury reserve list, but I like to think he came in to save the day like David Hasselhoff.
It really is weird when you look at the standings and see the Red Wings nestling right between the Capitals and the Canadiens. The whole re-alignment thing still hasn't sit in yet. Anywho, if this is the case (and I'm pretty sure it is), then the Red Wings are going to have to learn to pick it up the next time they face the Sens. The Wings could simply not solve Robin Lehner, as the Sens goaltender made 34 saves to completely deny the the Red Wings. For an encore following his miracle assist he had the other day, Clarke Macarthur added two goals to help support the cause. Agent 007, aka Bobby Ryan, added a goal and an assist and that was all she wrote in the motor city.
St. Louis Blues 6 vs. Dallas Stars 1
Hockey Poem #4by Zak Griffin
In my years,
I have noticed,
Writing about the the game and its players
Comes with great ease,
But an ordinary day
With the score out of reach,
and two teams nobody cares for
Is a subject as to which not many care.
A day when birds are too bored to fly;
People drearily roam outside.
I cannot believe the words from my mouth
I wish the Sabres were playing.
New York Rangers 2 vs. Nashville Predators 0
Last week... He did what he could... And saved New York... From certain defeat... Now... In front of his father... He will be called... To go to battle once again... This summer... They will turn... Once again... To... "Cam Talbot 2: The Talbotening" (Directed by Michael Bay and produced by Jerry Bruckheimer). With the fathers of the players travelling alongside them, Talbot got to play in front of his old man, and he put on a show. Talbot made 17 saves on the night, earning his second consecutive shutout. He is now 5-1-0 on the year and has only allowed eight goals on 158 shots so far this year. Ryan McDonagh and Derek Stepan each potted a goal for their team and the Rangers were able to hold back the mighty offensive juggernaut that is (former Portland Winterhawk) Seth Jones and the rest of the Predators roster.
Anaheim Ducks 4 vs. Phoenix Coyotes 2
Cue the E.R. theme song! With eight of their players (unfortunately including former Portland Winterhawk Luca Sbisa now), out with various injuries, the Ducks have had to resort to training montages and really inspiring pre-game speeches to help get them through games these days. If that's the case then I'm willing to bet that Kenny Loggins must have been involved alongside Al Pacino pretending to be Herb Brooks coaching Rocky, because somehow the Ducks were able to do something that no team has done all year. With two goals from Dustin Penner and 42 saves from former trade-bait Jonas Hiller, the Ducks became the first team this year to keep the Coyotes pointless in a game in Phoenix. In my mind every player on the Ducks did something like this before the game as a way for preparing for the battle to come:
San Jose Sharks 2 vs. New Jersey Devils 1
Screw it I'm doing another poem!
Hockey Poem #5 (Another Haiku)by Zak Griffin
This game is boring
I don't care for either team
I'm having a nap
Colorado Avalanche 1 vs. Los Angeles Kings 0 (OT)
Do you remember when this used to be a matchup that you would circle on your calendar and eagerly anticipate another exciting game between the Avalanche and Kings. Both teams were completely stacked with some of the best talent that money could buy. Patrick Roy would don the pads and go to war against the Kings in a display that would make Tywin Lannister shake in his boots. The games would be fast paced and high scoring, and afterwards you would eagerly anticipate the next collision between these two teams (which would most likely occur during the playoffs). Now look where we are. A 1-0 final with Ben Scrivens in net. Ben Scrivens. His name just makes me angry, I don't know what it is. Finally, however, Jaime McGinn was able to break the deadlock and pot his fourth of the season. Kudos to McGinn, but all I remember from him is this doozy he threw back in 2011:
Chicago Blackhawks 2 vs. Vancouver Canucks 1
The Blackhawks know better than most how to turn a game around quickly, something the Vancouver Canucks should have been aware of when they battled their longtime rival in Vancouver Saturday night. The Blackhawks captured the Stanley Cup last year during game 6 when they potted two goals 17 seconds apart to steal the series clinching game. If the Vancouver Canucks didn't know that (because they probably stopped watching) they certainly are aware of the Blackhawks ability to put goals on the board quickly now. Goals from Andrew Shaw and Marcus Kruger nine seconds apart helped the Blackhawks steal a victory from the jaws of defeat. But Patrick Kane didn't score so...
I don't know him, but I think we would be good friends
Well, that about does it here at HQ, another week's worth of hockey watching has come to a fizzling conclusion. We've accomplished a lot together and I think we're all better people for it. So, until next time, remember: tip your waitress, don't ride in cars with boys and, as always, keep your stick on the ice.
* * * If you smell what Zak Griffin is cooking, then hit him up on Twitter @zakgriffin13. And that's the bottom line, because Zak Griffin said so.
"Thank you all for attending this conference, my name is Ron DeGregorio and I am the president of USA Hockey. With the Sochi Olympics rapidly approaching, we felt that we needed to make some changes. We surpassed almost everyone's expectations at the last Olympics in Vancouver, making it all the way to the Gold Medal game. But we ultimately fell short, losing to Canada and finishing with the silver. We felt that it would be best to head in a different direction, starting with the coach. Ron Wilson has been relieved of his duties as head coach of Team USA Hockey. We would like to thank Ron for all of his efforts and time that he has put into this program, and we wish him the best of luck in all of his future endeavours. Now, without any further delay, we would like to announce the next coach for team USA Hockey. It is with extreme pleasure I introduce to you the new head coach for team USA Hockey... Gordon Bombay!"
Gordon Bombay walks to the stage, he shakes hands with DeGregorio who takes a seat. Bombay walks to the microphone.
"Thank you Mr. DeGregorio, it is my honour to accept the position of head coach of team USA Hockey and I look forward to seeing what this team will accomplish at the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi. I will now be taking questions from the media."
"Coach Bombay! You have inherited quite the roster. Many believe to be the golden age for American hockey with players like Patrick Kane, Ryan Kesler and Ryan Miller. Do you have any idea what your roster is going to look like yet?"
"Well, those guys are all great players, but I've already chosen my roster."
"You have?"
"Yes, I have."
"Well, who's on it?"
"Well, you know how I coached team USA Hockey to a gold medal at the 1994 Junior Goodwill Games?"
"Yes, your famous Ducks. We've all seen that movie. What about it?"
"Well, that's my team."
"What do you mean, 'that's your team'?"
"That exact roster that I took to Los Angeles for that tournament? You know, the one that beat Iceland in the finals? That team. Last question?"
"... Are you serious?"
"Yes. Thank you all for your time, we'll see you in Sochi."
By Zak Griffin
He is the most interesting hockey player that nobody really cares about other than the fact that he is really funny... He is Paul "Biz Nasty" Bissonnette. Good morning, or in case you are not reading this in the morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night to all my fellow bipeds and welcome to the Biz Report, a week in the life of The Biz.
This week is a little bit different. Personally, I don't like it when I hear someone say this. When I am watching a band or a performer live and they say to the audience, 'We're going to try something a little different tonight. Is that okay with you guys?' and the whole crowd goes, 'Aye!' while I go, 'Nay' like that guy from The Simpsons episode, "Last Exit to Springfield." Or just like Hans Moleman.
Tuesday marks the first meeting of the season between these two original six teams. The Rangers, started their season off 3-7 but have completely turned it around, going 7-2 since then, a record good enough for third in the Metropolitan Division. They've done this without star forward Rick Nash who is hoping for a return against the Bruins. Nash was sidelined with a concussion after absorbing a hit from San Jose's Brad Stuart. Nash is rumoured to be the replacement for Steven Stamkos on Canada's top line at the upcoming Olympics, so you would expect some elevated play to prove his worth. The Bruins, on the other hand, have only been playing .500 hockey, but that's been good enough for second in the Atlantic, due mostly to the dismal records of everyone in their division not named the Tampa Bay Lightning. The two teams faced off three times last year, with the Rangers taking two of three contests but by close decisions; one in a shootout, and the other in overtime.
Prediction: Boston
These are both defence-first teams so we can expect a low scoring affair. It could come down to goaltending, so I'll give it to Rask over Lundqvist.
Today on the TrapCast, the boys evaluate the trade that sent Tyler Seguin from Boston to Dallas. We also get into the Buffalo Sabres' front office shake up, Jerome Iginla and the Pacific Junior Hockey League. As usual, we wrap everything up by picking winners in our Games of the Week.
Check out the podcast on Soundcloud. WE'RE ALSO ON iTUNES NOW! SUBSCRIBEHERE.
It's kind of a big deal. And make sure to tune in Friday for PopCorner Episode Three.
By Zak Griffin
Like a mechanic who forgets to wipe his hands on a shop rag and then goes home, hugs his wife, and gets a grease stain on her favourite sweater - The Saturday Night Wrap-Up touches you, and marks you forever. Hello everyone, and I'm glad to see that you have decided to join us here as we look back at games from two days ago that you have already seen the highlights for. Sound like fun? Well then: Seatbelts everyone! And as I always say: Take chances, make mistakes, get jiggy!
By Josh Duncan
After a dismal first week, I think I offered up some pretty good fantasy advice last Friday, with the exception of my weekend picks. So I'm going to focus on what I did right, which was predicting the future, as you hopefully picked up Josh Harding in your pool. Subconsciously I knew Nazem Kadri was going to go on a rampage during Wednesday's game in Minnesota and knock Niklas Backstrom out cold. I just knew Harding's already high fantasy value would skyrocket for some reason. Since I picked the right netminder to highlight a week ago I'm going to highlight some of the many feel good stories involving goalies over the last couple of weeks.
By Zak Griffin
What is it like to live the life of an NHL player? Well, if you want the answer to that question then you shouldn't ask Paul Bissonnette. Seriously, I'm not trying to be mean, he admits it. Just look at his Twitter description: "[I] play in the NHL for the Phoenix Coyotes. Well Sort of."
So how does a player with seemingly so little importance to or impact on the game overall become such a sensation? Simple answer: he posts funny pictures and makes fun of annoying people seeking attention. Oh, and he posts some funny videos. All of which were on display this week, here are some of the the best ones.
Every week we run down the best in gloves, blockers, toes and stacks
Courtesy CBSsports.com
By Marnitz Kotze "Me and my goalies, we tighter than a glove/ Save a lot of games its how we do it at the Padstackers Club" - Eric "Eazy-E" Wright A great save can get you cemented in history as a game changer, but most importantly it will get you mentioned on my weekly article about saves. This is the Padstackers club.
Every now and again, TNZT will invite a guest to contribute to the blog. Today, that person is singer/songwriter/DJ Graydon Child.
So my first blog post, here she goes… I wanted to do a segment for the TNZT Podcast where I ask the guys for their take on players or issues that I felt deserve some light shed on them.
It's worth noting something immediately: All of this was written prior to Steven Stamkos breaking his leg as he ploughed into the goalpost against Boston yesterday. I had to go back and rewrite pretty much everything. Stamkos' importance to Tampa cannot be understated. With that in mind, as always my pick is in bold and at the bottom of each entry.
Last week I told you that Alex Steen was going to start cooling down, Claude Giroux was poised to snap his early season slump and Semyon Varlamov had no foreseeable future in the NHL. All threeof those pieces of terrible advice were wrong, so I don't know why you're reading this. But if you're here, you're willing to give meanother chance,and I appreciate that. I have a few more pieces of advice that will hopefully help you come out on top in your weekly fantasy match-up.
Never has the league had in its ranks who has so much impact while doing so little on the ice. I mean, if you're completely honest, Paul Bissonnette does not do a whole lot for his team, and he would be the first to admit this. Through 11 games played this year he has no goals, three assists and seven minutes in penalties. Which means he isn't putting up points and has only been in one fight this year (against Philadelphia in the second game of the Coyotes' season). Despite his reputation as a nothing player, Biz was named one of Sports Illustrated's Top 100 Most Influential Twitter Handles in Sports in 2012. The man has the second most Twitter followers in the NHL, behind only superstar Alex Ovechkin. And he has accomplished all of this by being a freaking beauty!
This week's update, I'm going to let you hear from the man himself. This week, the biggest news for the Biz was his appearance on "The Artie Lange Show." With the incident in Philadelphia between the Flyers and the Capitals still fresh in everyone's mind, it seemed appropriate for an NHL enforcer to tackle these questions concerning hitting, fighting and violence in the sport, (which coincidently is exactly what we discussed on this week's edition of the podcast).
Thus concludes another week in the life of The Biz. The Coyotes just defeated the Vancouver Canucks in a shootout where he had approximately six minutes of ice time.
Oh, and if the video wasn't good enough for you, then maybe this picture will help:
Zak Griffin wears shorts and sandals almost as well as The Biz. Follow him on the Twitter machine at @zakgriffin13. If you have any questions, comments or thoughts on yeti-chasing as a sport please leave them in the comment section below.
I don't mean that face, althoughit is incrediblyexpressive, but what I'm referring to is the three different Erik Karlsson-related stories from last night. The first was about how the 23-year-old Swede was quietly atop the scoring race amongst defensemen once again. No more than an hour later I stumbled upon a tweet from Karlsson wishing Toronto Maple Leafs forward Dave Bolland all the best and a speedy recovery after the Leafs' centre suffered a laceration to his ankle on a hit from Zack Kassian on Saturday night.
James Reimer delivers perhaps the best 4-0 loss in goalie history, and more...
By Marnitz Kotze "Me and my goalies, we tighter than a glove/ Save a lot of games its how we do it at the Padstackers Club" - Eric "Eazy-E" Wright
A great save can get you cemented in history as a game changer, but most importantly it will get you printed on our weekly segment about saves. This is the Padstackers club.
By Zak Griffin
If it ain't Scottish, it's crap! Unless of course we are talking about the night of hockey that was this Saturday night. So buckle up kiddos, we've got a lot of ground to cover and only so much time to do it in!
Each week, TNZT runs down the major transactions and roster moves of the week. This, the first week in our history, was a doozie. It started with a former All-Star being traded from the only team he's ever known (to the Islanders no less), continued through Semyon Varlamov's arrest and right on through the Avs swapping Steve Downie for Philadelphia's Max Talbot. As always, winners, losers and oddities.
Fantasy sports grow in popularity seemingly every year. The hit FX show The League has brought fantasy sports to mainstream television and even if you don't take your fantasy hockey that seriously, deep down everyone wants to win their league. Who doesn't want a year of bragging rights over their friends or coworkers? Over the next six and a half months I'm going to do everything in my power to help you win that league your in, whether it's an eight-person Yahoo! league or a 20 person office pool. I have yet to decide if there's going to be a set format or what that format might be for this series of articles so for this first week I'm just going to take a look at some of the early season fantasy stories.
According to multiple reports out of Denver, Avalanche goaltender Semyon Varlamov turned himself in to Denver Police earlier today. The Police Department itself tweeted out the news.
That was at 5:52 PST (We can only assume he turned himself in well before that). Since then, a few more details have come out. According to the Denver Post, Varlamov was formally arrested and hit with 2nd-degree kidnapping and 3rd-degree assault charges. The former is a Class 4 felony and carries with it a 2-6 year prison sentence, and the latter is a misdemeanor in Colorado.
The Avalanche made a public statement through the Denver Post (in the article linked above). The franchise acknowledge its "aware of the allegations concerning Semyon Varlamov," but otherwise gave a long winded "no comment."
EDITOR'S NOTE: This story is ongoing, so we'll be updating this as more news breaks.
* * *
Max Sussman has been a student for the last 21 years of his life (ladies). He also is the Editor of the TNZT Blog and you better follow him on Twitter at @trulyitbemax
He is a man of mystery. He is a man of decadence. He is a man of sophistication. He is the most interesting man in hockey. The man. The myth. The Legend... Mr. Paul Bissonnette aka Biz Nasty.
As I sit down to write this article, Matt Moulson has already scored two goals as a member of the Buffalo Sabres, so the Sabres won this deal and Darcy Regier is the early favourite for Executive of the Year. Okay maybe we should give it a few days or even a few years before we render a verdict on this deal.
With so many great games each week, we single out three that you absolutely, positively cannot miss. My winners are in bold.
Boston at Pittsburgh
NBC’s
Wednesday Night rivalry game features Boston at Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh is looking to get back into the win column
following a poor effort against the Leafs in which Evgeni Malkin and Sidney Crosby apparently
didn’t get the memo: Toronto is
actually good. The two star forwards had a terrible game and will want to
get back on the score sheet against a tough opponent in the Boston Bruins. The
Bruins will also be looking to get back in the win column following a crushing
last minute defeat against the New Jersey Devils. They'll have to do it without star
forward Loui Ericksson who is still sidelined by a concussion. Don't act like you haven't seen it.
So the weekend is almost over, which means Saturday had plenty of hockey action, and you know what that means… Cue the Hockey Night in Canada theme song!!!
No not the new one, the… the old… never mind.
With Saturday now just another night lost in the past, let us now take a look back at the night that was, and (appropriately) we start in the desert.
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