The Weekly Biz Nasty Report

The Biz's Most Recent Flame War

Courtesy thefourthperiod.com

More like Biz-Sexy, amirite? Lord, look at that 'stache.

We recap the week that was for the NHL's most ridiculous dude

By Zak Griffin

He is a man of mystery. He is a man of decadence. He is a man of sophistication. He is the most interesting man in hockey. The man. The myth. The Legend... Mr. Paul Bissonnette aka Biz Nasty.

In case you don't know him (shame on you), Biz Nasty is a winger for the Phoenix Coyotes known for his outrageous personality, which he puts on full display via his Twitter and Instagram accounts. For example:

Pictured: Self-loathing

The Biz vs. The Canuuuck

This week we look at Biz as he battles the common internet troll. Let's take a look at the combatants.

In the blue corner; the challenger. From Hamilton, Ontario, he enjoys being North of Huntsville and claims that "No one knows the satisfaction [he] gets from being there," @canuuuck!! And in the red corner. A man who needs no introduction... because he just had one in the first part of this article... The... Biz... Nasty!!!

The conflict started Sunday when @canuuuck (Sergei hereafter) tweeted a simple insult directed the Coyotes tough guy, something the Biz is not unfamiliar with. What followed was a common battle that, if you are familiar with how the internet works, did not make a lick of sense.

Biz, an experienced veteran of the internet flame war, came out prepared for a fight, as he peppered Sergei with insults concerning...

His lack of originality:

"I know man. Bench joke, bench joke, bench joke. Don't hurt urself thinking outside the box. You're unoriginal & that's the worst."- The Biz

His poor grammar:

"Speaking of protection. Your keyboard needs some from those greasy mitts. Your grammar is a nightmare." - The Biz

And Sergei's lack of social skills:

"It's sad because you will be talking to your other loser friends about this all week. And by friends I meant friend. And by friend I meant your cat." - The Biz

Unprepared for this vicious onslaught unleashed by Bissonnette, Sergei tries to respond with his own wit:

"Uhh... something generic... you're stupid... and you don't get any playing time." - Sergei, (Okay, he didn't really say this, but he may as well have).

Shame soon gripped at the heart of our challenger. Everything that he had worked so little to achieve now lay in ruins in front of him for the world to see. How did it come to this? Where did he go wrong? Can he salvage the situation and redeem himself to not only the thousands of people who witnessed his embarrassing defeat, but also himself? 

The following day Biz posted this photo of Sergei's Twitter:

Flawless Victory!

His foe now vanquished, all evidence now erased, our hero the mighty Biz now stands victorious over another unworthy foe. Our world now remains safer because of his efforts

But why does he do it? When asked by Jack Laporte why he exposes himself to these types of people on Twitter when he is in the NHL, his answer was simple;

"Because all they have is their hateful words via Internet, and when I beat them at their own game it eats them alive." - The Biz

It's just biz-ness as usual in the desert.

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Zak! Ahh-ahhh! Saviour of the universe! Zak! Ahh-ahhh! He'll save every one of us! Follow him on Twitter at @ZakGriffin13