The Junior Goodwill Games
By Zak Griffin
It's the last weekend of hockey before the league disappears for two weeks for some international competition. It's not the Goodwill Games, like Mighty Ducks 2 indicated. It's the Olympics! And although Gordon Bombay will (fortunately if you're an American or a fan of the stars and stripes look) not be making the journey eastward to help America combat Communism once again, we can all sit back and enjoy what will surely be an eventful 16 days in Sochi. Some of you have asked me if I will be competing in this years Olympics and unfortunately I will not be, due to my embarrassing fiasco last time I competed for my country...
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| Also Russia won't allow me into the country for some reason... |
Philadelphia Flyers 2 vs. Calgary Flames 1
The Calgary Flames were trying to make it a clean sweep, after the Abbotsford Heat defeated the Texas Stars 3-2 in a shootout earlier in the day, the Flames flew into the City of Brotherly Love and found everything but that. Okay, it wasn't that bad but I really wanted to make that, I guess you can call it joke. In our first game of the day, we already have a case where the winning team was outshot by their losing counterparts, Calgary out-shot the Flyers 33-23. In his first home start since November 21, Ray Emery stood tall. 32 saves on the night, compounded with goals from Brayden Schenn and Scotty "The Viking" Hartnell, sent Philadelphia... flying high... into the Olympic break!! Get it? Get it?!
Boston Bruins 7 vs. Ottawa Senators 2
Okay, Patrice Bergeron will not be asked to carry any kind of offensive load during the Sochi Olympics. In fact, it's likely he won't be getting much playing time at all, if history is any indication. But that doesn't mean that he can't score, so screw the haters!! Bergeron potted two goals and an assist, Brad "Proboscis" Marchand had a goal and two assists, and Jarome Iginla, who will not be heading to Russia, added a goal and an assist on the night as well. All in all, six Bruins scored and Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson, had 26 saves as his move to hockey continues to surprise the sporting world. Oh, and in case you don't know what a proboscis is...
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| Even looks like Brad Marchand, just with a smaller nose |
St. Louis Blues 4 vs. Winnipeg Jets 3 (SO)
Make that two games on the night now in which the winning goalie had more saves than the loser. Brian Elliott had 28 saves as the Blues were out-shot 31-26, but it was Vladimir Tarasenko who was the hero on this night. In this potential Stanley Cup Finals preview (hey, I said "potential," can't tell me I'm wrong), it was the young Russian who played the role of judge, jury and executioner... but mostly just executioner. Brendan Morrow and Derek Roy each had a goal and an assist, Mark Scheifele had two goals, but it was Tarasenko who "iced" it in the shootout...
Toronto Maple Leafs 3 vs. Vancouver Canucks 1
The stars aligned, the time was right, God gave his personal blessing on this game, and after 11 years, the Maple Loafs finally defeated the Canucks. The parade route is now being planned, rings are being made. I hear Mike Myers has already begun funding for a documentary to be made about this monumental occasion in Leafs history. If you were watching the game, then you'd be just as surprised as I was to hear that the Canucks actually outshot the Leafs 33-24, but then again that's nothing new with the Leafs. As for me, I stopped watching halfway through the game... I was doing a puzzle and The Simpsons Movie was on. Can you blame me?
Tampa Bay Lightning 4 vs. Detroit Red Wings 2
If the once-mighty Red Wings have a kryptonite this year: Teams from Florida. We've documented the intense rivalry between the Wings and Panthers, and with this win the Lightning have won four times in as many games against Pavel Datsyuk and company. Ben Bishop made 31 saves, Jimmy Howard made 24... oh? What's that? Another game where the... You get the idea by now?! Ondrej Palat had two goals and Marty St. Louis had an assist, and he can now go to Sochi a smug, smug, little man.
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| Does not skip leg day. Also does this look fake to anyone else? |
Montreal Canadiens 4 vs. Carolina Hurricanes 1
Sorry, I'm still distracted by that picture of Martin St. Louis... anyways. Four straight goals by Montreal and 31 saves for Carey Price (Anton Khudobin only had 2t), sent the Habs on a three-game winning streak going into the break. David Desharnais had two goals and Tsawwassen boy Brendan Gallagher had two assists (represent!). However the win did come at a price. The recent string of NHLers going out just before the Olympics has now hit the United States. With 7:30 remaining in the first, Max Pacioretty was hit from behind into the goal post by defenseman Brett Bellemore. Patches did get up after holding his arm and lying face down for a few minutes, and announced he will be okay for Sochi. Had it been me, it probably would've ended up looking more like...
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| Coordination and chemistry, that's what practice is for |
Colorado Avalanche 5 vs. New York Islanders 2
Back by popular demand... A Hockey Poem #7 (Or Something) by Zak Griffin
*Dedicated to the New York Islanders
Of all the things I've ever said,
Of all the tears I've ever shed,
Of all the things they do to you,
I want you to know...
That you suck
Washington Capitals 3 vs. New Jersey Devils 0
Braden Holtby had 25 saves - two more than Cory Schneider - and the Washington Capitals beat a team from the Metropolitan Division for the first time in six weeks, a span encompassing seven games. Alex Ovechkin was excited following the win, saying, "After we come back from the Olympics, we're going to be on a good note, in good mood. The team will have left with smile on our face... *something else that sounds more like Russian than it does English*." All three goals were scored in the third period. Juilen Brouillette scored his first career NHL goal, so as per tradition, Dr. Zoidberg...
And Martin Erat added an empty netter for his first of the year, Dr. Zoidberg...
Anaheim Ducks 5 vs. Nashville Predators 2
It seemed as if luck was going to be against the Ducks again. The best team in the league has been struggling a bit of late, so when Mike Fisher potted his 16th of the year, it felt as if this one wasn't going to go Anaheim's way either. But goals from TNZT All-Star Emerson Etem and Mathieu Perreault and an empty netter from Ryan Getzlaf helped snap the Ducks recent three-game losing skid. Getzlaf finished the night with two goals and an assist, and Hampus Lindholm added a pair of helpers on his way to adding "Hampus" to the North American baby-name lexicon.
Dallas Stars 2 vs. Phoenix Coyotes 1
The Dallas Stars used 26 saves from Kari Lehtonen and goals from Ray Whitney and Valeri Nichushkin to get the win to pull even in the wild card race for the playoffs with the Coyotes going into the Olympic break. The two teams share the same record, however the Stars are in front because they have less wins by gimmicks i.e. they have more non-shootout wins. But more importantly, the Stars were not swept on the night, as the Texas Stars could not score on a FREAKING POWERPLAY IN OVERTIME AND ENDED UP LOSING IN A STUPID SHOOTOUT WHICH APPARENTLY IS THE BEST OF FIVE SHOOTERS IN THE AHL!!! But I digress.
That'll do it from here at HQ. Have a wonderful Olympic break everybody! Go Canada and look out for Switzerland and, as always, держать палку на льду.
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Zak Griffin is known for confounding editors with Cyrillic letters. For all we know, that could say [redacted-obscene]. Follow his [expletive deleted] Twitter at @ZakGriffin13
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