The Saturday Wrap-Up

NHL Celebrity Look-a-likes 

By Zak Griffin

Oh, hello! I didn't see you there. Do you come here often? Well I should hope so, because it's only the hottest thing going on the Internet right now: The Neutral Zone Trap's Saturday Night Wrap-Up!! Yeah, kind of a big deal, if I do say so myself. But you know we here at TNZT try to keep things professional here. Formal as well as festive. Serious as well as surreal. Focused as well as... fun? Speaking of fun, has anyone ever noticed how much former NHLer Chris Drury looks like Luke Wilson!?

A little unsettling, isn't it?

Or how Mike Modano looks like Napoleon Dynamite?

Probably has some killer kung fu moves too

Bet you didn't know that Mike Ricci was a Jedi, did you? Well.. he's not, but he looks like he could be...

Those flows though!

So let us be done with the formalities so that we can get back to... whatever it is that we were doing. Sound good? Awesome. So, without further ado, take it away Ant & Dec!!

Tampa Bay Lightning 6 vs. Philadelphia Flyers 3

Having allowed 11 goals in their last three games, their starting goaltender (Ben Bishop) on injured reserve, Claude Giroux's anger towards getting snubbed from team Canada fuelling his fire and considering the fact that the Flyers hadn't lost a game at home in ten straight contests, you could say that the Lightning had it in the bag, right? Well, you would be right. The great Steve Mason was pulled after allowing five goals on 17 shots. Ryan Malone had two goals, Alex Killorn, Teddy Purcell and the Finnish Maestro Valtteri Filppula all had a goal and an assist and Anders Lindback made 35 saves for the Lightning who were outshot 38-24... let the madness begin!!

Montreal Canadiens 2 vs. Chicago Blackhawks 1 (OT)

Forget everything about this game! Forget the fact that P.K. Subban was benched in the previous game's third period by head coach Michel Therrien. Forget about the fact that both Canadiens goals were scored by Andrei Markov or that he looks like Mr. Bean. Forget about the fact that Patrick Kane did not record a point in this one. Forget everything about this game and go and watch Corey Crawford's save on Lars Eller in the third period! Watch it! Have you seen it?? No!? Go watch it, I'll wait here... I'm serious go and watch it. It's not on YouTube yet, but I'm sure it will be by the time you read this. In the meantime, look at this...

Do you see?

Ottawa Senators 2 vs. Nashville Predators 1 (SO)

When this game was finished, head coach Paul MacLean sad that his team is now "slowly starting to build momentum." Paul... are you insane!? His team has grabbed 11 out of a possible 12 points in their last six games, going 5-0-1 if you don't want to do the math. The Sens now have a point in eight of their last nine games and are now one point out of the final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference. Kyle Turris potted an easy one off of a brutal turnover by Mattias Ekholm. Mike Fisher, straight off of being snubbed by the Olympic team, scored his 12th of the year. No word yet on how Carrie Underwood is taking the news. Former Portland Winterhawk Seth Jones had an assist. Craig Anderson had 32 saves, while losing goalie Marek Mazanec faced only 21... but this game went to a shootout, so I feel less bad, but only slightly.

Columbus Blue Jackets 6 vs. Winnipeg Jets 3

The marquee match-up that we've all had circled on our calendars since the NHL announced its schedules turned out to be a little less exciting than we had all thought. The two teams now seem to be heading in completely opposite directions; Columbus has now won three straight while the Jets are left with more questions following their fifth loss in a row. The Jets took the lead on Eric O'Dell's first goal of the season, but four straight goals by the Jackets in the span of nine minutes to start the second period put the game... on ice... I'm so sorry.

Anyhow, Mark Letestu and Boone Jenner (that is not a hockey name, I do not care what anyone says!) had two goals apiece, former Portland Winterhawk Ryan Johansen had an assist and Curtis McElhinney had 28 saves for the win... Ondrej Pavelec only had 20 saves you say? I'm starting to doubt this "Corsi" stat now, seems like bogus to me!

New Jersey Devils 2 vs. Florida Panthers 1 (OT)

When Jaromir Jagr tells you to do something on the ice, you do it. With 3.8 seconds remaining in overtime, Jagr told defenseman Marek Zidlicky exactly where to stand before a face-off in the offensive zone. Like a smart person, Zidlicky listened... and scored the winner with just over two seconds remaining in overtime with an assist from the J-Man himself. With that assist, Jagr now has 1,724 points in his historic career, moving past his old pal Mario Lemieux for seventh on the all time list (although Jaromir has played over 500 more games than Lemieux, I won't harp on that. Still an incredible feat). Ryder and Bjugstad scored goals for their respective teams and Cory Schneider had 29 saves for the win. Neil Patrick Harris, uhhh, I mean, Patrick Elias, is still sidelined with injury.

Do you see!?

Colorado Avalanche 4 vs. Minnesota Wild 2

In a battle of former Northwest Division rivals, it was the kids of Denver who took it to the home team. Despite two goals from Charlie Coyle, a couple of helpers from Dany Heatley, and an overall strong team effort, Corsi's "law" was broken once again. The Wild outshot the Avs 27-17 on the night, but it was Semyon Varlamov who outperformed his Minnesotan counterpart, Nicklas Backstrom, en route to picking up the win. Ryan O'Reilly potted two and Matt "Bring the Pain" Duchene assisted on the game winner as the Avs now move to 28-12-5 on the year while the Wild drop to 24-18-5.

Anaheim Ducks 5 vs. Phoenix Coyotes 3

Somebody give Disney a call... the Ducks are flying high right now! Who needs Gordon Bombay when you have Jonas Hiller? The Ducks were outshot (it's almost predictable at this point), 31-23, but Hiller was equal to the task, making 28 saves for his 22nd win of the season and his 13th straight. This streak by Hiller, which allowed the Ducks to cruise to their 16th win in 17 games, is the longest winning streak by a goalie since Chris Osgood back in 1995-96. They have now scored at least four goals in six straight games and have 73 points to lead the NHL. It seemed like the only way the Coyotes were going to win this won was if they had some help from ACME Corp.... unfortunately giant slingshots have yet to be legalized in NHL games.

Get it?

Boston Bruins 1 vs. San Jose Sharks 0

The Bruins were not feeling the California love that Tupac told us about on their recent road trip. Having lost 5-2 to the Ducks and 4-2 to the Kings during their "vacation," the Bruins were feeling a little parched as they jumped into the shark tank Saturday night. However, it was the bear that beat the shark in this animal face-off. Carl Soderberg had the lone tally of the contest, Shawn Thornton returned to the lineup, Tuukka Rask out-duelled Antti Niemi as the Bruins were outshot 26-22 and Jarome Iginla may have a future as the heavyweight boxing champion of the world.

He's on the Zoloft to keep him from killing y'all!
[Editor - This might be racist. Sooo...disclaimer: The views expressed in "Saturday 
Wrap-up" are those of Zak Griffin and not of TNZT as a site.] 

Pittsburgh 2 vs. Calgary Flames 1

Hockey Poem #9 (A love poem to Sidney Crosby) by Zak Griffin

O Sidney! My Sidney! You cause my heart to soar;
Your chiseled features are sublime, listen to Pittsburgh roar;
Your skills are sound, your rump is round, the ladies are all swooning,
With a Cup won and gold medal in hand, your perfection is wooing.

P.S. No homo.

P.P.S. The Flames outshot the Pens 28-26... in case you were wondering.

Detroit Red Wings 3 vs. Los Angeles Kings 1

Saturday Night at the Staples Center was an emotional roller coaster. This week, Tomas Tatar lost his father, Jan, due to a liver ailment. So you can imagine how it must have felt for him when he pointed to the rafters after he scored his tenth goal of the season. My sympathies go out to the Tatar family, you know he was watching you score that one, Tomas. Also, we saw a potential battle for the USA starting goalie spot. And it was Jimmy Howard's night to shine, as he made 45 saves compared to Jonathan Quick's 23. Congratulations are also in order for Riley Sheahan, who scored his first career NHL goal. Dr. Zoidberg?

I'm useful! I'm having a wonderful time!

Well, that about does it here for me. Now you can get back to whenever it is that you were doing. For me, I'm about to have my pre-game nap before I get to my rowdy night-time activities... sleeping! Pity me, please... Oh, but I saved my favourite look-a-like for last:

Both men defined by their love of scoring...

Keep your stick on the ice kids and don't be like Butthead.

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Zak Griffin is the most Tsawwassen-born writer we have at TNZT. Follow his Twitter machine at @ZakGriffin13