His legend precedes him, the way lightning precedes thunder
A man of such raw manliness, I wouldn't be surprised if he prefers his meat raw. And once again I have the utmost pleasure of sharing with you some his most entertaining online dealings. Last week, we looked at something a little more serious and I apologize if anybody was offended by it. So today, we will be looking at something a little more light, a little less serious, and a little more irrelevant. Of course I am referring to the CFL.... come at me bra'!
It's here! The fifth episode of the TrapCast. We kick around our top five teams a quarter of the way through the season and get into a pretty solid argument about Corey Crawford. Listen and follow on Soundcloud or subscribe on iTunes
By Zak Griffin
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. The Neutral Zone Trap proudly brings to you, its soon to be, blog/podcast CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOOOORLD!!! Zak "The Blogger" Griffin, his computer Milos, (say it with me now);
THE SATURDAY! NIGHT! RECAP!!!!!!!!!
Well, I don't know about you guys, but if that don't get you fired up hotter than a Texas barbecue in the middle of August, then I don't know what will. Thank you for joining me here at the Saturday Wrap-Up HQ, as we look to bring you highlights of all the action from around the league from Saturday night's action. We've got a lot of games to get through, so, without any further ado, we shall begin with this evenings festivities. But before we do, there is something I have to ask you:
Boston Bruins 3 vs. Carolina Hurricanes 2 (OT)
In the words of Ozzy Osbourne, "Mama, I'm coming home." In the words of Motley Crue, "Home sweet home." In the words of Lynyrd Skynyrd, "Sweet home Alabama." In the words of Dorothy, "There's no place like home." And, in the words of Bruins fans, "Fa** yeah!! We're in fa**in' Bawston!! Y'all are a bunch a weirdos, cause ya not from fa**in' Bawston! Go Sawx!" After the Bruins had squandered a one-goal lead midway through the third period when Patrick Dwyer scored his second of the season to make it a 2-2 hockey game, the Bruins hopes turned to David Krejci, and the "Krejcmander" delivered. With his fourth goal of the season, which he scored 1:28 into overtime, the Bruins took this one and are now 6-0-2 in their last eight home games. The Bruins got a solid performance from backup goalie Chad "Don't Call Me Ochocinco" Johnson, who made 22 saves to improve his record to 3-1-0 on the year. Meanwhile, the Hurricanes are singing another tune. The 'Canes picked up their first point in six away games, but are winless during that stretch and are now 0-3-1 in their last four games away from 'Sweet Caroline'... a.
Toronto Maples Leafs 2 vs. Washington Capitals 1 (SO)
Should we talk about the game overall? No. Should we talk about how the game was not an even affair, and if it weren't for the fact that James Reimer had to face 50 shots (and stopped all but one of them) while his counterpart, Brayden Holtby, only faced 28? I don't think so. Should we talk about how, after deflecting a Jake Gardiner point shot, David Clarkson potted his second for the Leafs and is looking like he might be starting to produce the way the Leafs thought he would when they acquired him last summer? BORING! Should we talk about how Alex Ovechkin scored his 20th of the season, meaning he has something around 42 goals in his last 44 regular season games that he's played in? Nahh, it's been talked to death. Should we talk about how the Leafs still suck? Perhaps, but now is not the time. What I want to point out was Mikhail Grabovski. Now, I didn't catch a lot of this game but what I did manage to catch was the scary incident when a falling Grabovski GOT KICKED IN THE FACE BY A HOCKEY SKATE!! David Clarkson's skate accidentally got up and full on heel-punted Grabo in the face. And then he came back and played later in the game!! 20 stitches later, and he has now shown he is the toughest Leaf on their roster, just passing Phil Kessel.
Three goals was enough this time around, as the Montreal Canadiens were able to withstand James Neal and company's late rally and hold on for a dramatic 3-2 Swedish... sorry, Finnish. But all jokes aside... for now, the Canadiens got two goals out of Max Pacioretty and Carey Price made 29 saves to move the Canadiens to 13-9-2 on the year. For the Penguins, although the loss moves them to 15-9-0, it feels good to have James Neal back as his production has been surely missed. With two goals in the contest, Neal is now on a three-game point streak, during that time he has picked up three goals and three assists. This dude is so hot, he makes Katniss look like a popsicle.
Philadelphia Flyers 5 vs. New York Islanders 2
Haha, hey guys! Claude Giroux only has two more goals than Mike Smith! Haha, what a loser! Can we stop making those jokes now, please? Thank you. Anyways, it seems as though the Flyers are kind of starting to turn things around. Third period play, which was a huge struggle early in the season (they were outscored 19-6 in their first 15 third periods), is now becoming a strength for the team as they've outscored the opposition 11-3 in their past seven final frames, including Saturday night in Philly. The team is now 6-0-1 in their last seven games and are now within two points of third place in the Metropolitan division. Man, these boys are so hot, they make heat melt (that's your Snoop Dogg lyric for this morning).
Minnesota Wild 3 vs. Winnipeg Jets 2 (SO)
The Wild had to overcome two one-goal deficits to force overtime and they did, thanks to goals from former Portland Winterhawk Nino Niederreiter and Zach Parise. Overtime solved nothing so (EVERYBODY DRINK!!) we head to a shootout. There it was Charlie Coyle's turn to play the hero, as he made a nifty move to beat Ondrej Pavelec and take it for the Wild. The scary part was when feel good story Josh Harding went down with an injury minutes before the puck was even, allowing Nicklas Backstrom to retake the net for the time being. Backstrom was just activated from the injury reserve list, but I like to think he came in to save the day like David Hasselhoff.
It really is weird when you look at the standings and see the Red Wings nestling right between the Capitals and the Canadiens. The whole re-alignment thing still hasn't sit in yet. Anywho, if this is the case (and I'm pretty sure it is), then the Red Wings are going to have to learn to pick it up the next time they face the Sens. The Wings could simply not solve Robin Lehner, as the Sens goaltender made 34 saves to completely deny the the Red Wings. For an encore following his miracle assist he had the other day, Clarke Macarthur added two goals to help support the cause. Agent 007, aka Bobby Ryan, added a goal and an assist and that was all she wrote in the motor city.
St. Louis Blues 6 vs. Dallas Stars 1
Hockey Poem #4by Zak Griffin
In my years,
I have noticed,
Writing about the the game and its players
Comes with great ease,
But an ordinary day
With the score out of reach,
and two teams nobody cares for
Is a subject as to which not many care.
A day when birds are too bored to fly;
People drearily roam outside.
I cannot believe the words from my mouth
I wish the Sabres were playing.
New York Rangers 2 vs. Nashville Predators 0
Last week... He did what he could... And saved New York... From certain defeat... Now... In front of his father... He will be called... To go to battle once again... This summer... They will turn... Once again... To... "Cam Talbot 2: The Talbotening" (Directed by Michael Bay and produced by Jerry Bruckheimer). With the fathers of the players travelling alongside them, Talbot got to play in front of his old man, and he put on a show. Talbot made 17 saves on the night, earning his second consecutive shutout. He is now 5-1-0 on the year and has only allowed eight goals on 158 shots so far this year. Ryan McDonagh and Derek Stepan each potted a goal for their team and the Rangers were able to hold back the mighty offensive juggernaut that is (former Portland Winterhawk) Seth Jones and the rest of the Predators roster.
Anaheim Ducks 4 vs. Phoenix Coyotes 2
Cue the E.R. theme song! With eight of their players (unfortunately including former Portland Winterhawk Luca Sbisa now), out with various injuries, the Ducks have had to resort to training montages and really inspiring pre-game speeches to help get them through games these days. If that's the case then I'm willing to bet that Kenny Loggins must have been involved alongside Al Pacino pretending to be Herb Brooks coaching Rocky, because somehow the Ducks were able to do something that no team has done all year. With two goals from Dustin Penner and 42 saves from former trade-bait Jonas Hiller, the Ducks became the first team this year to keep the Coyotes pointless in a game in Phoenix. In my mind every player on the Ducks did something like this before the game as a way for preparing for the battle to come:
San Jose Sharks 2 vs. New Jersey Devils 1
Screw it I'm doing another poem!
Hockey Poem #5 (Another Haiku)by Zak Griffin
This game is boring
I don't care for either team
I'm having a nap
Colorado Avalanche 1 vs. Los Angeles Kings 0 (OT)
Do you remember when this used to be a matchup that you would circle on your calendar and eagerly anticipate another exciting game between the Avalanche and Kings. Both teams were completely stacked with some of the best talent that money could buy. Patrick Roy would don the pads and go to war against the Kings in a display that would make Tywin Lannister shake in his boots. The games would be fast paced and high scoring, and afterwards you would eagerly anticipate the next collision between these two teams (which would most likely occur during the playoffs). Now look where we are. A 1-0 final with Ben Scrivens in net. Ben Scrivens. His name just makes me angry, I don't know what it is. Finally, however, Jaime McGinn was able to break the deadlock and pot his fourth of the season. Kudos to McGinn, but all I remember from him is this doozy he threw back in 2011:
Chicago Blackhawks 2 vs. Vancouver Canucks 1
The Blackhawks know better than most how to turn a game around quickly, something the Vancouver Canucks should have been aware of when they battled their longtime rival in Vancouver Saturday night. The Blackhawks captured the Stanley Cup last year during game 6 when they potted two goals 17 seconds apart to steal the series clinching game. If the Vancouver Canucks didn't know that (because they probably stopped watching) they certainly are aware of the Blackhawks ability to put goals on the board quickly now. Goals from Andrew Shaw and Marcus Kruger nine seconds apart helped the Blackhawks steal a victory from the jaws of defeat. But Patrick Kane didn't score so...
I don't know him, but I think we would be good friends
Well, that about does it here at HQ, another week's worth of hockey watching has come to a fizzling conclusion. We've accomplished a lot together and I think we're all better people for it. So, until next time, remember: tip your waitress, don't ride in cars with boys and, as always, keep your stick on the ice.
* * * If you smell what Zak Griffin is cooking, then hit him up on Twitter @zakgriffin13. And that's the bottom line, because Zak Griffin said so.
"Thank you all for attending this conference, my name is Ron DeGregorio and I am the president of USA Hockey. With the Sochi Olympics rapidly approaching, we felt that we needed to make some changes. We surpassed almost everyone's expectations at the last Olympics in Vancouver, making it all the way to the Gold Medal game. But we ultimately fell short, losing to Canada and finishing with the silver. We felt that it would be best to head in a different direction, starting with the coach. Ron Wilson has been relieved of his duties as head coach of Team USA Hockey. We would like to thank Ron for all of his efforts and time that he has put into this program, and we wish him the best of luck in all of his future endeavours. Now, without any further delay, we would like to announce the next coach for team USA Hockey. It is with extreme pleasure I introduce to you the new head coach for team USA Hockey... Gordon Bombay!"
Gordon Bombay walks to the stage, he shakes hands with DeGregorio who takes a seat. Bombay walks to the microphone.
"Thank you Mr. DeGregorio, it is my honour to accept the position of head coach of team USA Hockey and I look forward to seeing what this team will accomplish at the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi. I will now be taking questions from the media."
"Coach Bombay! You have inherited quite the roster. Many believe to be the golden age for American hockey with players like Patrick Kane, Ryan Kesler and Ryan Miller. Do you have any idea what your roster is going to look like yet?"
"Well, those guys are all great players, but I've already chosen my roster."
"You have?"
"Yes, I have."
"Well, who's on it?"
"Well, you know how I coached team USA Hockey to a gold medal at the 1994 Junior Goodwill Games?"
"Yes, your famous Ducks. We've all seen that movie. What about it?"
"Well, that's my team."
"What do you mean, 'that's your team'?"
"That exact roster that I took to Los Angeles for that tournament? You know, the one that beat Iceland in the finals? That team. Last question?"
"... Are you serious?"
"Yes. Thank you all for your time, we'll see you in Sochi."
By Zak Griffin
He is the most interesting hockey player that nobody really cares about other than the fact that he is really funny... He is Paul "Biz Nasty" Bissonnette. Good morning, or in case you are not reading this in the morning, good afternoon, good evening and good night to all my fellow bipeds and welcome to the Biz Report, a week in the life of The Biz.
This week is a little bit different. Personally, I don't like it when I hear someone say this. When I am watching a band or a performer live and they say to the audience, 'We're going to try something a little different tonight. Is that okay with you guys?' and the whole crowd goes, 'Aye!' while I go, 'Nay' like that guy from The Simpsons episode, "Last Exit to Springfield." Or just like Hans Moleman.
Tuesday marks the first meeting of the season between these two original six teams. The Rangers, started their season off 3-7 but have completely turned it around, going 7-2 since then, a record good enough for third in the Metropolitan Division. They've done this without star forward Rick Nash who is hoping for a return against the Bruins. Nash was sidelined with a concussion after absorbing a hit from San Jose's Brad Stuart. Nash is rumoured to be the replacement for Steven Stamkos on Canada's top line at the upcoming Olympics, so you would expect some elevated play to prove his worth. The Bruins, on the other hand, have only been playing .500 hockey, but that's been good enough for second in the Atlantic, due mostly to the dismal records of everyone in their division not named the Tampa Bay Lightning. The two teams faced off three times last year, with the Rangers taking two of three contests but by close decisions; one in a shootout, and the other in overtime.
Prediction: Boston
These are both defence-first teams so we can expect a low scoring affair. It could come down to goaltending, so I'll give it to Rask over Lundqvist.
Today on the TrapCast, the boys evaluate the trade that sent Tyler Seguin from Boston to Dallas. We also get into the Buffalo Sabres' front office shake up, Jerome Iginla and the Pacific Junior Hockey League. As usual, we wrap everything up by picking winners in our Games of the Week.
Check out the podcast on Soundcloud. WE'RE ALSO ON iTUNES NOW! SUBSCRIBEHERE.
It's kind of a big deal. And make sure to tune in Friday for PopCorner Episode Three.
